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Name: kat
Country: Germany
Metro: Frankfurt
Birthday: 5/20/1990
Gender: Female


Interests: hehe i like guys...i love listening to music. mostly emo and im not even going to try to list all the bands cus for one theres too many and two no one ever gives a damn about whats writen here. i like to write poetry and all sorts of other stuff. i like to draw and pain. i guess im pretty good. i hate being at home and i dont get along with my parents.love chillin with ma homies though... hehe love the weekends their usually wild ... sometimes... if im not grounded and theres something to do. but just to let you know...im a moody kitty...too much shit has happened in my life....
Expertise: loving, caring and just being htere for you if you need me...plus a lot of other stuff ...<~.o> winks...and just loving the one man i love more than life itself... no matter if were together or apart... ill always love him.... and hope that well have another chance at what we once had.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art


Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM: katias crazy
MSN: angelhott@hotmail.com
MSN: tearsxofxblood@hotmail.com


Member Since: 11/7/2004

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Sunday, July 17, 2005

god i seriously feel like ive fucked up a lot of shit here in germany... i odnt know what the fuck i want anymore... or who for that fucking matter. this sucks major ass man. i wnat all this fucking drama to just friken stop and be over with... i need a damn break... if its not one damn thing then its another. shit. it all needs to like go away... so i can have a vacation and not worry about omg i hurt his feelings omg i said the wrong thing. shit man its not gonna work or im soooo damn sad. Ahhhh i just want to scream... its all just way to fuckin much man .


Friday, July 15, 2005

got new xanga...dying_doesnt_seem_so_bad or somethin like that... yah... well go there

10 RAMDOM THINGS ABOUT ME

1. my eyes turn to a weird dark greenish brown color when i cry

2.im not a big fan of home cooked hamburgers... i dont really like em so i dont eat them ...but in dire situations ill make and exception.

3. i love my friends to death. and the ones im really close with i would do like anything to keep them happy..

4. haha i have major hot spots on my shoulders and back lol hahahhahahahy the hell did i write that? oh well i dunno

5. im a hopless romantic... its crazy...i cry during chick flicks lol

6. i smoke in the shower sometimes so my parents cant smell the smoke in the bathroom... hey it works k? k! lol

7. i have major blond moments haha but everyone knows that omg i thought a pigion was a goose. haha wow... that shows a lot

8.i cant really eat dairy products cus im lactose intolerant... it sucks major ass

9.i have begun to lose my alcohol tolerance like crazy fast its scary and i hate it ...cus not it doesnt take me much to get drunk so that sucks major ass too

10.i started smoking basicly when i got to germany... *smoking*... not just cigs i mean... and also drinking... i never really did that before i got here.. before it was usually just like a rare thing... haha now i bet most of you dont believe me on that

9 THINGS I DONT LIKE

1.seafood

2. becks  and a lot of other beers ... im not a big fan of beer

3.clothes that shrink, and then you cant wear them nemore

4. hot humid days

5.posers and fake people

6. being touched when i dont want to be... like sometimes people just dont leave me alone and that just pisses me off

7. really ugly shity cars with really good stereo systems...dude that ... ah that just doesnt work that way man.

8. music that degrades women... thats just bs

9.people who think their the shit but arent. and people who are like realllllllllllly over weight but wear things like for a size 0 person... god thats just nasty

8 THINGS  I ENJOY DOING

1. being with my friends

2. drawing

3. writing poetry

4. reading

5. listening to music

6.chatting

7. walking in the rain omg i love that

8.sleeping

7 FOODS I LIKE

1.spagetti and meatballs

2. pizza with sauce cheese pepperoni ham mushrooms olives

3.russian food... god that stuff is good

4.yellow rice or white rice and soy sauce... hey lay off i like rice k?

5.pasta chicken and that one white sauce...i forgot what it was but i had it at lizz and it was gooooooooooooood

6.italian food

7. chinesey food

6PLACES IVE WANTED TO VISIT OR LIVE IN

1. TEXAS

2. italy

3. borabora

4. spain

5. the caribians

6australia

ill do the rest later

 

 

 

 


Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Currently Listening
Casually Dressed & Deep in Conversation
By Funeral for a Friend
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god im so bored... dunno what to really say i already said it all on my other xanga.... www.xanga.com/dying_doesnt_seem_so_bad
yup yup... dunno why i made it but yah... it was something to do... basicly overall im feeling the same as ive felt for the last couple of days... really shity and very extremely dazed. i see everything all slow, i have no energy, i can just sit there staring for hours and it wont bother me... i dunno whwat the hell is going on but its pissing me off. i feel like a defective model. something my parents should have taken back to the store but instead kept cus they were too lazy to go back. now they have to put up with all this shit, ugh ... well anyways... im gonna talk about a different subject now... hmmm something happy... sorry guys but to tellyou the truth theres nothing really ooo right now... its all blah...
o i got something haha... i got drunk of one strawberry daquiri at the sports bar... god my tollerance has gone like wayyyyyyyyyyyyy down... this sucks ass man... im mad... this means i can no longer drink. agh... i havent really drank like hard hard since like june fest. and then strawberry daquiri night and i still got like close to drunk. and i know for a fact i was able to take more than that.... god im back to being a light weight... this sucks major ass... haha oh well...
~kat.~


Tuesday, July 12, 2005

i am sooooooooooooooooo mother fucking pissed of right now.... on the fucking 19th of this fucking month. my fathers whole family will be coming to visit us. meaning my grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle, and three fucking cousins who i despise with a fucking passion... all of them bitches have their heads stuck so fucking far up their ass that their drowning in their own shit. they didnt ask us if they could fucking come here... NO... they just anoused that to us todya... who the fuck does that???!!!and if thats not bad enough. im mortaly depressed... yah... i mean im not just depressed im realllllllllllllllly depressed and nothing ive done can get me out of it... i have like mood swings from hell... its crazy and im agitated like really bad. this is all starting to piss me off cus people i dont want around me are trying to fix everything... (meaning my family and doctors) and now these fucks are coming... and im 10000000% surethat they will start fucking with me too.. like last time... what are those pills for? are you depresed? thats stupid your too young to be depressed? your so fucking stupid... FUCK they dont understand what the hells going on...

shit man i cant stop shaking  and sobbing now... im so frustrated. im about to go insane... this is too much. omg. i cant deal with all this shit. i CANT... god i wish it would all go away... id otn want to be this way anymore... i want to be happy. i dotn watn to cry myself to sleep. i dont want to snap at people all the damn time. i dont want to be so damn moody. i want it all to end... im going to fucking break if this doesnt stop. and if i do... im afraid of what could happen. cus i know how i get. but this... this is the worst yet. it hasnt been this bad yet. theres just sooo many things on my mind. and i cant take it anymore...i cant.

omg ... what the fuck do i do.

 


well guess waht my darlings. i have "great"news.... as most of you know i had to go to the doctors again today and guess what "marvalus" news they gave me!... since the medicine i used for my stomach isnt working they put me on yet another one.(they dont know what the hell to do so they want to send me to some other doctor .... ooo great for me ) . then theres my migranes. they want to put me on another medication, they say that this one isnt working for me but fuck that i say it is. they want me to go to lonstuhl or however you spell it for that. i have an appointment once i get back from russia to go there for that. and heres the greatest part of all.... their putting me on fucking antidepressents and getting me to go to a shrink. my doctor says taht i will have to come in once a week so he can monitor me and make sure im not doing anything in "not " supposed to... he says that the medicine can make me more fucked up than i am for some time. i will be on that shit for over half a year. (thats how long i will be monitored too) FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. why they hell wont they just leave me the fuck alone??? i dont want this shit... i dont want to live with fucking pills the resto fo my life... i dont want to take therapy. i dont need this shit... cant they understand that???? cant they fucking understnad that ill get through this shit myself? i dont need no fucking pills to make me temporarily happy.... god... this is bullshit. and you know the funny thing is my moms going to make me take them. she will literaly sit there and watch me swallow the  pills cus she now distrusts me and thinks that i either dont take them when im supposed to or take too many to try and harm myself.like today... ive had a major fucking migrane for three fucking days ... not once did it go away. i mean it was abnormaly painful. not like my usual ones and well i took like three everyday. so what thats 9  not even that.cus i didnt give a fuck one day .and now shes bitching me out saying i was trying to overdose... fuck that shit i had no reason to. this is so fucking frustrating... omg you all have no fucking idea. FUCK

... a broken me



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